I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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