Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
