it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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