My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She bit a glass in half.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
