wrigley field is MILF paradise
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
