I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
