I didn't shave. On purpose
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I could make wine with my vomit
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
