so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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