I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
