For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
