Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
