I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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