Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize