if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
