Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
