no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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