hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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