They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize