I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
