apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
