All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
