3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
