She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
