after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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