so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am one with the molecules
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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