I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
