about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
