if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
