do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
