The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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