I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All I want is dick and wine.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
