Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
