Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize