My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
pray to the hookup gods
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
