Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
