you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
