Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
