Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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