so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
