does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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