6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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