Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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