these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
