Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
