oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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