Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All the doctor said was why
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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