Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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