Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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