maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
