yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
