It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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