You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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