he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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