You were right. It hurts to walk today.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
