FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
All I want is dick and wine.
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