you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
