Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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