matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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