So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
