I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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