my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
