Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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