i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize