the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
