call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
