what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
