The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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