i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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