I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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