He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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