smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
