Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
