I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
