Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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