That's intense
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
