I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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