I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
